IT'S A PLAN!

well.. i checked with doug if he's still bringing me to rick's cabaret and he said, "yeah.. we could go to the casino after too, if you want". i'd go to the casino and all- it's just that i'm not sure i'll have much money remaining after i get back from rick's. we'll see. i figure i go big on my 40th birthday, seeing as i was told i couldn't take a trip to mexico for my birthday like I WANTED. so the strippers at rick's just may see a pay day on tuesday. *shrugs shoulders* whatever. i guess i'm cool with either but i'm just saying if i would've got to go to mexico for MY BIRTHDAY i probably wouldn't have a face full of titties in my face for my birthday and a few lap dances. i asked tyler how much you typically should tip strippers and i THINK he said $50.. i told him i didn't wanna look cheap when tipping but i am kinda tight with my money typically.
i was thinking about how my grandma used to tell me i changed.. i don't think i realized how manipulating she was trying to be. she was trying to scare me into just acting the way she wanted, so i'd think i didn't change. then it hit me- PEOPLE ARE SUPPOSED TO CHANGE! i don't remember if i told her that when she told me once that i changed.. i kinda feel like i did. just judging by that manipulation tactic- you should understand how i was basically raised and all the abuse (my dad kicking me because my mom used MY BODY as a shield while he was kicking her) was condoned because my grandma jumped to the conclusion that my mom had a disability since she was illiterate. my mom can read. she reads my blog all the time. so she's just lazy. which to me is worse than being disabled but i'm not sure how stupid people think. i'm pretty sure my mom probably had something to do with amy telling me i couldn't go to mexico. my mom thinks she can go to mexico but she tries to stop me from going there.. which i don't really understand why except for the fact she's incredibly jealous of her own daughter. go act like you care about fat amy. she's your favorite kid anyway. if my kids spoke about this on their blogs.. i would NEVER want to read that shit. another difference between me and my mom. if you people were SMART you'd work on helping me to move out of this state- so i don't have time to think about how she abused me and open the can of worms because i'd be too busy living and making my OWN life to post or think about something as depressing as my mom and the shit she did to me.